Marriage - Where Do You Go From Here (christian weddings)
By Julia Solomon
Yes, you read the chapter title correctly– and it is so much more than just a figure-of-speech!
It does not matter whether you have been married for one year or thirty years; it does not matter what kinds of career or family responsibilities you may have, or the state of your health, or how much money you have. What does matter is that in addition to saving your marriage, your wish is to make it the very best, the very happiest– and doing so means stepping aside for a moment, stepping aside from your average, daily life, and reconstructing those all-important factors which gave your marriage its initial vision.
Take just a moment to look back throughout the duration of your marriage. How much of its original strength, vibrancy, and all-out enthusiasm gave way to general day-to-day life with its obligations, worries, and routines?
Instead of focusing too much energy on how much has been lost, take heart in the fact that much of it can be regained.
If you are like most adults, you are probably thinking this is foolish. After all, you are not as young as you used to be; and after all, there are also many time-consuming factors in your everyday life which you did not have in the past!
Some of us, however, have duly noted that one amazing benefit to growing a little older is the ability to stand in the present-day while looking both backward and forward– at the way things were and at the way we would like for them to become.
Regardless of your current age or situation, you can have this benefit, also! You can begin by looking back at the early days of your marriage, and invest a bit of time in recalling what was important to you and your spouse. I’m not referring to how ideal your everyday life was at that time; but instead, the visions which you both had– your dreams, your goals.
If you were like most couples, those dreams and goals probably included you both together. Perhaps you were both socially-aware, and dreamed of someday joining the Peace Corps together and helping those who were less fortunate. Perhaps you had an idea of beginning some type of
Business of your own. Whatever your particular dreams were, they somehow took second-place and then eventually vanished when you and your spouse began to take on the basic responsibilities of adult life.
Now is the time to assess your dreams– and when you do, you may be pleasantly surprised to find that the idealistic dreams you had in the past are still an option for you. These days, we are all much more fortunate than generations past– for even growing older does not impose the limitations as it once did. In fact, there are more and more opportunities opening up for older people than ever before– careers, travel, and numerous other options.
You and your spouse may decide that the dreams of your youth are no longer relevant or are unreasonable, for one reason or another. If this is the case, you can decide on new dreams together– and begin putting them into motion. Perhaps it is something you can do ten years into the future, or perhaps it is something that you can do now!
What is the purpose of dreaming, and of making plans to put those dreams into action? One important factor is that everyone needs something to look forward to; but the other, equally-essential factor, is that it will go a long way in re-creating the bond that you and your spouse once had.
Having a dream is great– but sharing a dream together is even better! And when you are in the process of turning those dreams into reality, you will see that the love and connection of your early marriage is not only still clearly present, but stronger than ever before!
Find tips about getting over a relationship and how to save a relationship at the Relationship Guide website.
Dating Your Ex Spouse
By rodrigo rehn
It happens all the time, a couple calls it quits, gets divorced and is determined to go their own ways. After a time the couple may come back together and find that spark that brought them together the first time around, opening up a new and exciting relationship. If you are in a position where you want to begin dating your ex-spouse you may be wondering how you proceed. Where do you go from here.
The important thing to think about is why you broke up in the first place. Many relationships end because of abuse, so if this is why this relationship ended you need to be cautious. If the person was abusive toward you, you need to remember that this can be a difficult cycle to break.
Are you willing to repeat the past? Has the person done any work on themselves so that you can reasonably believe that they will not become abusive again in the future. Really stop to think about this, and any reasons for the failure of the relationship. This can be a great guide when considering whether or not you should try it again.
You should take it slow. Don’t feel rushed to get back into a relationship with the person. Instead, take time to court one another as though you have never been in a relationship with them before. Try doing new things together that you didn’t do before, take delight in the small things such as holding hands, kissing, etc. Remember that you need to build up to a relationship instead of simply falling back into the relationship that already failed.
Remember that you are able to back out any time that you would like to. Just because this is someone who you have been with in the past doesn’t mean you need to be with them in the future. If you feel as though things are not going has you had hoped or that you aren’t getting what you need from the relationship, get out! You have already spent a lot of time on the relationship, there is no reason to prolong the inevitable.
If you want the relationship to last you need to make sure that you build it on trust and honesty this time around. This is important because you want this to be a new beginning instead of a continuation of an old relationship.
Make sure that you are open and honest and that you go into the relationship with your eyes wide open. A relationship with an ex can be a beautiful thing, so long as you don’t fall into old patterns of behavior. Stay true to yourself and your needs, and perhaps you just can make it work this time around!
Rodrigo Rehn is a Relationships Expert, Linux Systems Administrator, Web Programmer, PHP Developer and CEO of FaceRomance online dating for singles.
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Creating Good Healthy Relationships
By Ben Needles
When it comes down to it we all want good relationships. Not only with that special someone, but also all of our relationships; family, friends, work colleagues. The fundamentals of any good healthy relationship are the same. For now we will focus on our primary relationship with our partner, but these ideas can apply to any and all of our relating to others.
Open, honest clear communication is the first non-negotiable. If we cant talk about what we feel, think, and want then we trip up at the first step. So often people feel that they have to be a certain way for someone else to love them. They cant say that because their partner might not agree. They cant do this because their partner doesnt like it. But ask yourself this; do I want to playing a false role for the rest of my life that is not me? Do I want to hide a part of me to make another feel comfortable? Do I want to negate my wishes for my life to make someone else feel better? Put like that the answer is normally No.
True relationship is one where we share the totality of ourselves, to the best of our ability at any given moment in time. This is very different from the myths and fairytales we were brought up to believe. In those we were told that we were not whole until we had found that special person who would complete us. This is not true. We are whole as we stand. To want someone to fill us up is to ask the impossible of another. Sooner or later it has to fail. Good, healthy relationships are when we say here I am, warts and all, and I want to share all of me with all of you (warts and all!).
Our relationships are the biggest learning ground we have. A teacher once said put two people together and they will teach each other more about themselves than any self enquiry. We are the grist for each others mill. We are supposed to learn from each other, those little things that drive us crazy are showing us something about ourselves. Our relationships are the greatest mirror that will ever be held up in front of our eyes.
So often we leave relationships because they dont work only to find ourselves in yet another similar situation. This is because it is not the other person who needs to change but ourselves. Instead of blaming the other we need to look at where our responsibility lies within any situation and own our part in it.
That first special stomach churning, heart fluttering moment is the true connection you have with another person. This is before any of the stuff kicks in. It is a heart felt moment when two souls say hi. If we can come back to that clear moment and operate from there then our communication will always serve us. Instead of playing the role we think they want us to play we will be bringing all of ourselves to the present moment. It might mean that there will be times when one or the other in the relationship might say something that hurts. Truth sometimes does. This is not intentional, but because sometimes we dont want to hear the truth. But if we can stay true to ourselves in that moment and hear what the other is saying, without too strong a reaction, it nearly always holds great learning.
Our relationships enable us to grow as human beings, to share the best of who we are in any moment. They will be joyful, painful, fun filled, frustrating, inspiring, annoying, uplifting and all other emotions in between. But you know they will be real, and they will be an expression of a love far greater than we can imagine.
About the Author (text)
Jessica works internationally as a Life Fulfilment Coach empowering people to create the life they choose. To arrange for her to call you for a free introductory session for please email her at jessica@jessicamcgregorjohnson.com or call 34 958 639 593 or see http://www.jessicamcgregorjohnson.com
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