Christian Matrimonials

By Lawrence J. Reaves

 When two people are in love, it’s natural for them to begin considering marriage. They start thinking about what life might be like together. Some couples approach it casually while others obsess over the idea. Eventually, one partner may propose marriage to the other. If the other partner agrees, they become engaged. At that point, the expectation of both partners (along with their friends and families) is to get married sometime in the future.

Getting engaged is a major step forward for any relationship. In this article, we’ll describe what it means to be engaged to your partner. We’ll also provide a few tips regarding the engagement ring and how to deal with friends’ jealousy.

What Being Engaged Means

Western societies have followed the same approach to getting engaged for generations. Two people date for awhile until they decide to spend their lives together. Once a marriage proposal is offered and accepted, a date is usually set for them to be married.

Being engaged means preparing for a lifetime spent together in marriage. Any thoughts of pursuing other relationships are tossed away. Doubts regarding the level of commitment, trust, and intimacy between the partners should be resolved. In effect, engagement is a preparatory stage before marriage.

Knowing For Sure

So, how do you know that the person to whom you’re engaged is the one you’d like to spend the rest of your life with? It’s largely a matter of examining your goals. Besides enjoying the satisfaction of being in love with each other, you’ll need to understand how your goals fit in with those of your partner. For example, if you want to have children and raise a family, it’s important that your partner wants the same.

The Engagement Ring

When proposing marriage, the man will present his partner with an engagement ring. It signifies both a gift and a promise to be married. Prices are often lower than those for wedding rings. They’re simpler in design and sometimes lack gems or diamonds. More than ever, couples are shopping for engagement rings together. While doing so eliminates any chance of surprising one partner with a marriage proposal, it also ensures that the ring matches her taste and preference. It’s also a good idea to shop for a wedding ring at the same time as both rings will need to complement each other.

Dealing With Friends’ Jealousy

It’s not uncommon for the friends of one or both partners to feel jealous when their friend becomes engaged. Often, it’s due to a subtle competitiveness. That is, a friend may not be able to understand why they are not getting engaged themselves. If you have a friend who seems jealous, don’t let it slide. Be upfront about it and try to resolve the problem quickly. It’s fine to be humble about your engagement in an effort to not make them jealous. But, it’s also appropriate to be excited about it. You shouldn’t have to hide that excitement.

The Planning Begins

A lot of planning takes place between the two partners after the marriage proposal is accepted. In the short term, most of the planning is devoted to the upcoming wedding, reception, and honeymoon. In the long term, factors such as having children, buying a house, and other plans are considered. There’s a dramatic change in perspective between the two partners as they move from a dating relationship to planning their lives together.

Getting engaged is an exciting, and sometimes daunting, stage before marriage. By remaining communicative, loving, and considerate toward each other, both partners can approach their marriage confidently with anticipation for what lies ahead.

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Improve Your Relationships By Learning How to Communicate Through Safe Conversations
By maureen collins

 Many of our day to day conversations are routine, safe and easy. They involve making plans, discussing events, and sharing minor concerns. Some of our conversations however are about issues where we see things very differently, where we both feel strongly, and where the stakes are high. These are the conversations that define the quality of our relationships.

We face them in all parts of our lives. These are some of the most common ones.

Giving feedback to employees who do not perform

Discussing standards for disciplining children with our spouse or in-laws

Dealing with friends who let us down

Speaking up to people in authority

Dealing with toxic colleagues

Many of us simply shut down when faced with these conversations, scared that if we speak up with what we think or feel, we will become emotional, say the wrong thing and do damage to our relationships. So we tolerate situations that cause us frustration, inconvenience, or personal distress until the day when we can hold our feelings in no longer. Then we burst out in frustration, anger and outrage.

Learning how to make conversations on difficult subjects safe, is an essential skill in developing good relationships based on open and trusting communication. There are five principles you can follow.

The first is to hold difficult conversations sooner.

This does not mean that you should have conversations in the heat of angry moments. It does mean that you should plan what you are going to say and then as soon as you can find a suitable time and place, have the conversation. The longer you wait to discuss an unhappy situation, the more distressed you become about it and the less able you are to handle it calmly and safely.

Secondly, you should try to suspend judgment.

In every difficult conversation there are at least two sides to the story, and often no right answer. What is the right way to raise children for example? If you go into a conversation to win, to convince the other person that you are right, then you are more likely to end up in an argument than a conversation. Being open minded and willing to listen to the views of the other person goes a long way to making conversations safe.

Recognise that you may be part of the problem!

You can be part of the problem in a difficult conversation in several ways. One of the most common is that you have tolerated a situation for some time without speaking up, and the other person has had no reason to assume that you have been unhappy. If might be an employee whose poor performance or late-coming you have not confronted. It might be a partner or spouse whose work schedule leaves no time for family.

The longer you stay silent, the more you are contributing to the problem!

The fourth principle is to choose your battles.

No matter how skilled you may become in handling difficult people and difficult conversations there will always be some you will choose not to have. The stakes may be too high, and the risk of confrontation may be too great. Perhaps you have tolerated the situation for so long that it would simply be unreasonable to ask for change. Perhaps the issue is not important enough. Consciously choosing the conversations you will handle is an emotionally intelligent decision.

Finally, when you go into a conversation, put the facts first.

When you put facts on the table, you are putting down a safe platform on which a conversation can take place. People may see the facts differently, but the differing views do not change the facts themselves. Facts are just facts. They are not in themselves accusing or threatening.

When you plan conversations around these five principles you will find that it is safe to talk about many topics you never thought you would be able to confront. The result is that you will be able to build more open, trusting and healthier relationships.

Maureen Collins has a B.Sc. degree in Psychology from Edinburgh University and over 25 years of consulting experience. She specialises in communication in the workplace. In Straight Talk, she trains people how to handle difficult conversations, on difficult topics, with difficult people. Get free Straight Talk Tips. http://www.straight-talk.co.za

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