Christian Matrimonials

By Rosemary Lichtman

 Lost in the headlines about the presidential election and the stock market meltdown is the fact that October is the month dedicated to controlling domestic violence. The irony is that the financial shock waves are likely to increase the prevalence of abuse. The economic turmoil will undoubtedly lead to greater fears, pressure and anxiety within families facing financial collapse - and, in many cases, that stress will lead to battering.

The Centers for Disease Control believes that 10% of the population is affected by domestic abuse, although it is estimated that only one-third of these cases are actually reported. It is the most common cause of injury for women ages 15 to 44 who suffer physical as well as emotional injury, such as depression, anxiety and social isolation.

Why do women remain in abusive relationships? Frequently, the reason is fear - they have been brainwashed by the perpetrator - convinced that they are helpless and cannot cope alone. Or they’re afraid that the abusive partner will harm them or their children if they attempt to leave. Another justification is the victims’ incorrect belief that the responsibility is theirs, that they have caused the abuse or that it is up to them to stay in order to keep the family together. Finally, because of a variety of psychological issues and complicated family dynamics, the defense mechanism of denial can remain strong. Domestic abuse victims often refuse to see themselves as battered and don’t accept the fact that the perpetrator will continue the abusive behavior.

If you are afraid of your partner’s anger and how he/she treats you, your children or elders under your care, your first responsibility is to protect yourself and loved ones from harm. Resolve to begin the tough process of freeing yourself. You may feel trapped and so deeply entrenched in the dysfunctional relationship that it seems you will never break away. You can make a start by taking the following steps:

1. Insist that your partner participate in individual therapy as well as relationship counseling with you. The individual therapy should focus on areas such as anger management, cognitive behavioral change, insight, skill building, communication, stress reduction and control strategies.

2. Get help from friends and family members. Talk with them about your concerns and let them know what you need from them. Educate yourself and them about domestic violence. Tell them how to recognize that you or others may be in immediate danger and devise code words to inform them if you need help.

3. Prepare to take care of yourself - emotionally, financially and physically. Find a therapist who will help you develop self-confidence and the life skills you may need to go solo. Take charge of your personal finances, open your own bank account, find a job if you are not already employed.

4. Have an exit strategy and plan what to do if and when you leave the relationship. Investigate available community resources and learn about shelters in your area. Have copies of documents you may need as well as extra clothes and cash; leave them with a friend or neighbor so you can retrieve them later.

5. Immediately let someone in authority know about the abuse, if it occurs. Have the phone number of the local police station available - and you can always call 911. If the violence is directed to your children or the elderly, know how to contact the agencies dealing with child welfare and elder abuse.

As we move through these difficult financial times, the stresses we all face will be great. Emotions are likely to be close to the surface as uncertainty about the state of our economy continues. Be aware of any potential for domestic abuse in your family and pledge to learn how to protect yourself and your loved ones from the painful trauma caused by such violence.

(c) 2008, Her Mentor Center

Rosemary Lichtman, Ph.D. is co-founder of http://www.HerMentorCenter.com, a website for midlife women and http://www.NourishingRelationships.Blogspot.com, a Blog for the Sandwich Generation. She is co-author of a forthcoming book about Baby Boomers and family relationships. She offers a free newsletter, Stepping Stones, through the website.

What do you do when you lose your job?
By Dr. Jennifer Baxt, DMFT, NCC, DCC

 Losing a job, regardless of the reasons, can be an extremely stressful time for anyone, especially if finances are tight. With the way things are going in the economy and stock market these days, many employees, even those who have been with the company a long time, are running the risk of losing their jobs. Companies are trying very hard to stay in business; unfortunately, one of the many things they do to accomplish this is to save money by having fewer salaries and wages to pay. They can no longer keep on as many employees, so they lay some of their workforce off.

It can be frustrating, especially for someone who has been with a company for twenty or so years, to be let go. As if the stress of losing the job wasnt bad enough, other worries start to enter the mind, such as where the money is going to come from to pay the rent or mortgage, where the food will come from for the family and so on. It can be, and is, a lot of weight for one, or even two people within the relationship, to handle. Working through it can seem impossible and there only appears to be nothing but difficulties ahead. Hope is lost, the desire to fight through their troubles is gone and the individual falls into debt and mounting stress.

There is hope and there are ways of getting through this kind of difficulty, but it takes one to stop, take a deep breath and look for help. It can help to talk to someone, to help sort through the mess and chaos created by the loss of a stable situation. Many people will immediately jump to the assumption that there is no help for them or their families, and that the only option for them is to accept defeat with any consequences that may come with it. The truth is that there is help out there for anyone who takes a moment to look and ask for it, and its not necessarily by seeking help from a counselor or therapist in person. There are online counselors who are available to anyone who needs help.

Online counseling is available to anyone who can gain access to the internet and is there so that more people can get the help they need. An online counselor will work with anyone who feels that the stress is becoming too much for them to deal with. Many will shy away from going to therapy to find some help, or even to talk to someone, because they feel too uncomfortable about it. Going through online therapy can be easier because while the confidentiality still exists, the person can communicate with an online therapist from the comfort of their own home. Whether it is just to talk with someone, or to find someone to help them get through this hard time in their life, an online therapist is available through chat rooms, chat forums and e-mail.

Dr. Jennifer Baxt, DMFT, NCC,DCC is the owner of CompleteCounselingSolutions.com which offers a variety of online counseling services. If you would like to know more about Jennifer or any of our online therapists, visit our website.

How To Make Business Partnerships That Work
By Chris Simpson

 Building a business partnership can be an excellent idea; however, it is important that you make sure that you make business partnerships that work. Whether it is a short term venture or a long time commitment, it is important that you learn how to make it work. Here are a few great tips that will help you make sure that you start out right and keep up a partnership that will work well.

Tip #1 - Have a Mission and Vision that is Shared - Any business should have a mission and a vision, and if you are entering in a partnership and you want to make sure that it works, you will need to make sure that you both have a mission and vision that you come up with together and agree on. Discuss the mission and vision together and decide on a purpose for your partnership. Write down the mission and the vision for the partnership. It will help you as you go along and serve as a reference for all that goes on within the partnership.

Tip #2 - Discuss Expectations and Needs - People enter into partnerships for a variety of different reasons. Some want connections, others need expertise, and some want capital. However, it is important that you know the expectations of each other as well as their needs so you don’t end up with a strained relationship. Decide on this before you sign a contract so you are aware of everything that your partner is expecting from your partnership.

Tip #3 - Use Your Partners Strengths - Within a partnership, it is going to work best if you identify the strengths of you and your partner and the use those strengths. There are obvious strengths that you will find and it is important that you don’t overlook them. You want to make sure that you use strengths that will help you both become more successful. This will also help to motivate each of you as well.

Tip #4 - Understand Limitations - There are always going to be limitations on the part of each partner. You need to understand this and your partner needs to understand your limitations as well. When one partner has limitations, you need to identify and accept them before they become a problem. Also, these limitations can be supported by the other partner so that there are not gaps within the business.

Tip #5 - Set Goals - If you want to have a business partnership that really works, then you need to both set goals and strive for them. Have individual goals, but make sure that these goals will support the goals of the entire company. Make sure that you take a look at these goals together and then follow how well you actually achieve them.

Chris Simpson is dedicated to helping people find honest and legitimate work from home and home based business opportunities. Find legitimate work from home opportunities today at: www.HomeNetPro.com

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